It's Christmas time

Gifts have been exchanged and steamboat consumed (Mmmmmmm steamboat) and now we await boarding the zoom zoom.

Tomorrow we see my family, Saturday, the wedding, Sunday Disneyland. Monday Reagan Library and dinner with Matt, Tues dinner with Dirk or Renata and mike...not sure yet. Weds with Renata Mike possibly. Oh and Tues...Dim Sum with Kimber and Susie. SO EXCITED.

I love my life. I love you all. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

It's birthday party time!!!!!

Last night I left Derek and Marisa at home and drove to RDU to pick up my sister and future BIL. It was so good to see them as we had not spent time with them since our trip to MN in August. Plus, they were not engaged back then. This just happened on Sunday!!! :) We came home and just chilled for a bot then went to bed. They were briefly up for a visit with Marisa and now everyone is back to sleep (except me), and can hear Marisa fighting sleep in her room.

This weekend we will be celebrating Marisa's bday with the Tang side of the family, and some of our friends. She's having a polka dot bday cake (pink and brown) and Derek has put together a cute slideshow of pictures as she has grown through the year, and we'll have lots of yummy food (traditional Chinese noodles, chicken strips, tortilla roll-ups, fruit and veggies.), and the best cake ever. The only thing missing will be Grandma Cindy and Aunt Lauren as well as my family; Auntie Winnie, Uncle Mike, and the kids; Uncle Chicken, Aunt Lori and the boys. Of course a few other CA friends being here would be great too.

In this case, I truly cant have my cake and eat it too, but it will still be a great time.

I don't mean to sound like an angry mom, but....

I distinctly recall having people upset because I forgot bdays.

I find it ironic that Sunday was Marisa's bday and there are 3 people who forgot. People who should not have forgotten either. It speaks volumes to me as to how important my family has become since we moved away. Sure I've called a day or two (or more) late. I'm not blameless, but when I have to

1. message someone on facebook and they can't remember if it's my anniversary or Marisa's bday, and still don't say Happy Birthday or call

2. Have someone send a fwd and not even say "I forgot, but Happy birthday to Marisa"

3. Continue to get the silent treatment unless it involves them directly and they benefit from the event at hand.

It just hurts. I'm pretty much becoming numb to it. But I hurt more for Marisa than anything else. How to you explain this to a kid? I mean at 1 she won't understand but what about when she IS old enough to understand?

Our summer vacation is already planned

Thank you Joel!!!!! :)

Last night while on the phone with my sister, Shay, our vacation plans were pretty much sealed. We're going to MN for Shay and Joel's wedding. I am SO.DANG.EXCITED.

We LOVE Joel. We love love love him. He is the perfect match for Shay and vice versa. He asked her when she was on the phone with me so I feel very honored to have shared that moment with my sister. :) I was so giddy last night, you would have though *I* had gotten engaged all over again.

YAY!!!

Congratulations Shay and Joel. We love you.

Trick or treat take 2

Yesterday my youth held their trunk or treat event. Good turn out of kids and a low turnout of parents decorating their trunks... :( Need to work on that one. It was COLD though. The kids seemed to have a great time and cake walk, limbo and Halloween-iata (A pinata...but like the Filipino version) and some of the crafts were HUGE hits.

Marisa dressed as Tinkerbell and was a huge hit too.

Today my mom's club is having a trunk or treat. I've heard the competition for the trunk decorating is fierce. In all honesty I could care less if I win, it's not about my trunk, but that the kids have fun. I could probably pick the winners now....I guess I'll see if I am right at the end of the day.

Since it's cold out Marisa will be wearing her Panther's cheerleader outfit. 'll post pics on her blog when we come home.

Are you serious? You actually did this?

"Mom's mad at Katie."

Vent over....thanks for playing...thanks for starting unnecessary drama...AGAIN. Though I have to say...what else is new?

I hate to ask this, but

If you live in Hume, CA or Victorville, CA....go away. Just as you want nothing to do with me or any form of communication or any form of niceness, the feeling is mutual. Don't read this blog. It's as simple as that. I won't name names, but just be nice and stop reading my blog. Yeah I put it out there as public and you are free to roam the net as you choose, but again, I ask you.....if you've asked me to leave you alone....kindly return the favor.

Thank you.

My nephew

I love him. He'd probably read that and cringe. How dare his Aunt Katie say that. But I do love him. He's my first nephew...the first baby of the family. We don't always get along all the time but, I think that's normal. Considering his dad and I didn't always get along. plus I can be a pain in the butt to him. I admit it.

He's a great kid....guy. I guess I can't call him a kid anymore. He doesn't hug me, doesn't talk to me on the phone, but there is one thing I know. I can tackle him to the ground, dunk him in the pool, and he can kick my butt in mini golf and hit, throw and catch a baseball better than I ever will. He knows his stuff with sports and he has such a great sense of humor. (he can be a total dork and make me laugh....runs in the family). He's SUPER smart too. (I'll be so proud to sit and watch him graduate from USC someday.....)

I hope someday he'll look back and say "Yeah, Aunt Katie is pretty cool." (Cause I am)....and I hope someday he'll blog about how I'm not too bad of a person....until then, I leave you with this.

Jon, you're a cool kid....er.....sorry you'll always be a kid to me. I know I don;t get to show you that often but I love you alot (stop cringing). You're my first nephew and will always be close to my heart




(Don't worry Bryan I haven't forgotten about you....)

Bye, Bye sirius, hello iPod

I got a 2nd generation iPod nano. Well, ok I'm waiting for it to arrive in the mail. It's pink, it will hold 1,000 songs (4gb) and so far my list of songs/albums consists of:

Pink: Missundaztood, So What and I'm not Dead
MWS- The first decade
Crowder- all of his albums
Nysync
Back Street Boys
Walking on Sunshine (my theme song)
Matt Maher- any album
Disney songs;
-MSEP
-Believe...there's Magic in the Stars
-Space Mtn
-Tiki Room
-You Ho A piratezs life for me
-Haunted Mansion Spiel (or the Grin grinning ghosts song)
-Fantasmic!

It was suggested that I get a certain version of the song "Let it Be. I'll probably put John Mayers "Say" on there. Such a good message.

I'm up for suggestions too.

21

Does that sound like alot? For some of my colleagues, 21 is peanuts when it comes to attendance, but for me? 21 is great seeing as how most of my 6th graders were at an all day field trip to a ropes course. 21 out of 52 came to youth group tonight.

17 of them were boys.

We played samurai frisbee ( there is a batter, and they have frisbees thrown at them. You have to hit the frisbees with the bat) Some of the kids liked it some were punks about it. I told them that there were games they would like and not like, but that they should at least pretend they like it for the sake of those that were having a good time.

Ah they are 6th graders though and by 8th grade I'll totally love them. We have 2 chinese girls (twins) who I think are the SWEETEST kids. I love them.

The scary thing is...I'm old enough to be their mom I'm an old haggy Youth Minister now.

FIGHT ON!!!!!!

Today is the first time in almost 3 years that I have been to a USC football game. Last time I went with my friend Matt, in the Colosseum, had hot dogs, warm sugary nuts, soda, and watched Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush tear it up.

This time? I'll be enjoying the game in Virginia, with my husband, and daughter...both whom are seeing a live USC college football game for the first time (Derek has seen Tennessee, Duke, NC State, and Methodist prior to this...but he's in for a treat with USC, I hope) and USC now relies on Mark Sanchez and his team to bring home some sort of Championship title once more to the beautiful, yet ghetto located USC campus. The TMB is ready to play a certain tuen....dahhhh duh duh duh duh duhhhhh duh duhhhhhhhhh...over....and over.....and over again. (and no I am not mimicking the fight song, I'm talking about that other song that while it reminds me of home, of football, of USC...gets annoying after a while.)

Last night after arriving in Charlottesville, we spent time at the Downtown Mall, a quaint, outdoor mall with unique stores, and restaurants that pleased just about every palate and wallet.

Marisa met the UVA Cavalier mascot, and the UVA cheerleaders (not that daddy was complaining, and you know? Compared to the Duke cheerleaders and the Carolina Panther Top Cats, these girls were pretty darn cute), We could hear the UVA band pass by as we ate our dinner in the downstairs area of Henry's.

Got to our hotel and struggled to get one very wound up little girl to bed. Stinker.

So, today ot all starts. College football season is upon us. Rivals are once again gearing up with the pointless smack talk, and the standings are set. Though I wonder how long USC will hold on to their #3 spot.

FIGHT ON!!!!! Let's beat the Cavaliers!!!!!

Dear YMX members

NOTE: I said members, not staff, not owners....members.

You are free to come here and read whatever you want. Have at it...enjoy, be merry. But when you find issue with something I write, there is a little thing called a comment box. Rather than running to Adam, Todd, Ruth, Patti and Angie and saying "They are talking about you."come to me ok?

If they want to read what we are writing about them, they have a mouse, they can do a few quick clicks.

I am not going to assume it was staff who ran to Adam and fwd what I wrote yesterday, but if it was staff, so be it. The above statement applies then.

Shay gave me great advice. i need to stop reading certain blogs. Why not? I removed almost all of them from mt facebook, so why do I continue to read their blogs? Glutton for punishment maybe? I'm going to do just that

I ask though that if you have this deep desire to tattle on me, that 1...use the comment box to admit your wrong doing. Or to gripe at me for how wrong it was of me to post what i did below. 2. if you can't do that stop reading my blog.

I could make assumptions as to who it is because I can see what cities visit my blog and I know who lives in what general area (TExas, Ohio, CA, WI, etc). But I'd rather YOU man up.

Let this be my last bitchy post about YMX for good. Goodbye, so long, farewill, auf Wiedersein......Maybe in 20-30-100 years there will be reconciliation. (Again, I've happily accepted my responsibility in the crap that happened...just so no one can point the finger. I already know I'm a "horrible person" who "deserved" to be banned)

No more blogs
No more looking at facebook groups
No more wondering if there ever will be reconciliation of said "community"

I'm not one who generally gives up on people, but there comes a point in time in life you know? I'm tired of being the fool to the words "reconciliation and restoration". I'm beginning to think those were just words said to make it seem like it would ever happen. When there was no desire in the immediate future to reach that point.

The people who are my true friends are out there and they have stood by me while I hurt, while I cried, while I vented for the last year. And yes, I did so on my blog. If anyone has had a problem with it, this is the first I have heard about it coming directly from Adam...no wait, I got into it with Todd back in I think December of last year....2 times in 1 year. Says alot.

I can see clearly now

Again thanks in part to my buddy Webster for helping me define how people in the "world" reall are. It's too bad some people don't like conflict when they are proven "wrong".

It's not so much conflict either as much as it is about truth in posting.

If I've learned anything from Derek it is this: debating is not about emotion, it's about facts, and when one is challenged on their facts, i expect them to back it up, and own up to respecting my beliefs as well. Not only has someone done this to me religiously but he then deleted a comment I made because he couldn't take the heat.....

Intolerant:1: unable or unwilling to endure2 a: unwilling to grant equal freedom of expression especially in religious matters b: unwilling to grant or share social, political, or professional rights : bigoted

Bigoted: a person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices


Coward: one who shows disgraceful fear or timidity


Normally i'll give someone the benefit of the doubt, but this person has, on more than one occasion proven that i am not his cup of tea:

Strike one: His obvious distaste for the Cathoolic Church....fine you don't agree with the Church...I have no problem, but once it was revealed I was Catholic, it seemed (and until proven wrong by the words of said person...I will assume this to be true), he always stood an arms length from me.....whether he labels it as "I'm a pastor, we don;t get close to anye...i don't care. We were cool before you ofound out I was Catholic, and you admitted you don't like the Catholic church. YOu preach to me about forgiveness correct? Take the beam out of your eye my friend. It's bigger than the one in mine I fear.)

Strike 2: Deleteing my comments defending the Olympics being in China because IMO politics should not play a role in any way, shape or form.

If you are so against it...fine...but man up and don't delete my posts. Todd didn't delete when things got heated on his blog (mad props to him for being a man).

Who am I kidding...he doesn't like me, though he'll NEVER admit it to my face and he'd much rather make himself look like a martyr whose "being attacked by those Tang's again"

Vacation revelations

I love looking up words in the dictionary to find out the meaning of them. I always have (my nephew must get that from me). So when I was reflecting on this weeks vacation to MN, some words went through my head from time spent in New Brighton, to subjects that were discussed in conversations(and oh were there many), as well as a few phrases that have caused me to reflect a bit on life, people I have seen come, go, and stay on my life over the last few years (THANK YOU WEBSTER for helping me out here):

Friend: 1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance2 a: one that is not hostile 3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)4: a favored companion.

I have had many friends come and go. From my childhood friend Jenna whose life was ruled by jealousy (1 a: intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness b: disposed to suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness2: hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage3: vigilant in guarding a possession);

To my life-long friend, Dusty who no matter how different we may be loves me like a sister(a girl or woman regarded as a comrade)

To my best friend, Melissa; who i've laughed with, cried with, lived with, fought with....and no matter how many miles apart we are...no matter how many weeks go by without a phone call or email, it's as if we never were apart(away from one another in space or time ).

To my friend H. So very different are we. She is ever the feminist, ever the advocate(one that defends or maintains a cause or proposal), but when we talk or get together....all that dicipates and there is respect( high or special regard ) for one anothers beliefs/

To Shay: Wow, people are often shocked to find that we are not blood related. We look alike, we think alike, we're just close. We were brought together by a "Christian Community" aka a website, but our friendship goes beyind just a "website". What we thought of as "community" ( an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (as species) in a common location), was really a facade(a false, superficial, or artificial appearance or effect) of what the Church(the whole body of Christians ) really is, a place that claimed to want to do away with the behavior of Pastors and churches who treated Youth workers like door mats(a mat placed before or inside a door for wiping dirt from the shoes), but proved to regress back to such behavior when their "community" was not going as they would like to see it go...within their twisted control(a: to exercise restraining or directing influence over : regulate b: to have power over : rule). We lost many friends to this "community" but held true to our friendship. Knowing that our bonds of friendship were more important than control, association or membership of this website.

There are other friends who have seen me through my good times and bad: Michelle, Renata, Julie, Kim, Susan, Manisha, Kimber, Susie, Joanne, Amy, Brian, Matt, Norm, Joe, just to name a few.

They have all taught me one thing. Friends Live(to have a life rich in experience), laugh (to find amusement or pleasure in something), love(affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests), cry( to shed tears often noisily; weep, sob), support(to uphold or defend as valid or right : advocate : to argue or vote for), fight(a verbal disagreement : argument); blame(to place responsibility for), take blame; forgive(to cease to feel resentment against), take responsibility for their wrongdoing(evil or improper behavior or action), friendships surpass all space and time,.

They are:

Honest(1 a: free from fraud or deception : legitimate, truthful < b: genuine, real )
trustworthy(worthy of confidence)
blunt(a: abrupt in speech or manner b: being straight to the point)
patient(bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint)

They:
Take responsibility when they have hurt one another
Say they are sorry
Say they were wrong
Be right
Mess up
talk about you behind your back (but seek forgiveness for said action)
Kick you in the butt and put you in your place
Answer the phone when you call at 2am
Help you to be a better person
Believe in you


They do not:
leave when they diasagree with you
turn on you when everyone else does
use you to better themselves in the world
lie


"A friend loves at all times." Proverbs 17:17

I've seen some interesting people come and go in my life. I've lost some true friends by the mere lackl of communication on mt part. Because I am lazy, I am a procrastinator at times.

But most of all...I am blessed that God brought the right people to me, and helped me see the true colors of those who I do not need to have in my life.

Thank you my friends. Thank you.

Oh and thank you Derek, for telling me I looked like Shay...and for introducing me to my sister.

I'm about to watch history

In afew moments I could be witnessing history...Michael Phelps winning 8 medals in the olympics...all gold.

As tired as I am of hearing about it all.....I hope he gets it.

Edit: He did it!!! Congrats Phelps. 8 gold medals. Unbelievable.

Up for a challenge

As I was emptying the dishwasher this thought went through my head:

"If I hadn't____then____"

So I thought, ok I could make a list of a couple things. Then I thought...I'm gonna tag some friends on this one too. It really makes you think of the good the bad and the ugly of life and makes you realize how far you have come in life and grown as a person.

If I hadn't slacked off in school, then I probably would have excelled and brought my GPA up and could have considered a good college

If I hadn't worried about my grade in Madrigals, then i could have spent more time with my dad the last day he was alive

If I hadn't married Robert, then i wouldn't have learned so much about who I was as a person back then.

if i hadn't learned about who i was, then i wouldn't be as good of a wife to Derek and mom to Marisa.

If I hadn't forgiven, then I would be very bitter right now.

If I hadn't surrendered things to God, then i wouldn't have met Derek.

If I hadn't married T, then I wouldn't have realized how valuable friendships are and how passionate I am about my job. Thus figuring out who i truly am.

If I hadn't been told I would fail in school, then I wouldn't have graduated from medical assisting school with honors

If I hadn't had an epidural, then i would have been an ugly person in the delivery room.

If i hadn't had a desire to be a wedding coordinator, then i would mot have met H,.H, and M.

If I hadn't turned in my resume to OLG, then I would have missed out on the best job ever.

If My sister hadn't had friends with her on November 7, 1999 at Disneyland...she'd be dead...and I'd be miserable(I know I chested)

If I hadn't broken my ankle, then I would still have run around and not rested during my pregnancy.

IF I hadn't given Derek a second chance, then I wouldn't have married him and had the most beautiful girl on the face of the planet.

And now I tag Shay, Derek, Amy, Brian, Lori, H, Elly and Michelle

2 years

and counting....
Tuesday will mark 2 years that Derek and I have been happily married. This is not to say there have not been bumps along the way or that our marriage is perfect. If anything I've learned that communication, patience, and sarcasm are key in our relationship.

The optimist in me is grateful for these last 2 years. Derek has taught me what love is. That even when it gets tough, love does not criticize, berate, control, manipulate or abandon. Love never fails, even through turmoil and petty things.

The optimist in me looks forward to the next 50+ years together watching our child (and any other children yet to come) grow up, graduate high school college, start careers and families, be there when they are struggling, and to hold one another through tough times.

Then there is the little devil on my shoulder who likes to whisper in my ear "remember the people who questioned how a methodist and a Catholic could ever be married? Not attend the same church? Work in ministry...etc etc????

Then I flick him off my shoulder....and remember.....our love of Christ and belief in God surpasses denominations and you know what? It's all working out just fine thank you very much.

There will be people who come into our life and ask questions, challenge us....but they do not know us, they cannot comprehend what our faith, our love means. They will try to tear us down.

4 years strong( 2 years dating...2 years married for those of you confused)...and we're still happy, silly, goofy and sarcastic as ever.

I love you honey. I always will. you "complete me" Tee hee


2 year aniniversary is the cotton anniversary. Does this mean i need to get him tickets to the Cotton Bowl? Maybe...if Duke gets there we'll go.

More on forgiveness

I have been friends with D. since we were my daughters age. When I was 5 she moved away and we still kept in contact. Literally for like 20+ years.

In 1996 when i got married she flew down and was part of the wedding party. In 2002 I drove up and was in her wedding party. Then I divorced and remarried and we lost tough. It was my fault for us losing touch. A long story I won't go into here, but I just made some dumb choices.

I'd been thinking alot about her, wanted to let her know where I was, what's been going on in my life. In the past I'd emailed her but got an error message, threw out my old phone book and had no way to get a hold of her. So the years past

Flash forward to the other night, I decided to try and email her, and lo and behold, it worked. Last night I groveled, apologized and told her she was right when she warned me 5 yrs ago to be careful, etc. She forgave me, never said I told you so and we caught up....4 years worth of catching up and 2 hours later, I went to bed happy knowing I had finally contacted her, made amends, taken responsibility for my wrong doing, and now we're back on track.

I'm seeing a pattern. Now in this instance, D had no reason to apologize for anything. She did nothing wwrong. I had not reason for her to ask me to forgive her. There is a difference here. I allowed myself to be controlled to the point where I cut her off. She baced off and let me figure it out on my own.

But there is a pattern. Forgiveness= people coming together and working through things and takling responsibility for actions whther their actions were justifuied, hurtgul, right, wrong...still, working through it. TOGETHER, not just expecting one party to be remorseful and say "Great you were wrong, I don't feel I need to apologize and nothing you can say or do will make me believe otherwise."

I wish the world would stop being this way. I also wish people I need to reconcile with would see it that way too :(

A little bit of silence never hurt anyone right????

I am typing this while someone I know and love naps away. I've gotten her on a kind of schedule. she'll go down between 8 and 9am and nap for about an hour or so. It's been an hour and 15mins so far, I suspect she'll wake up any minute now.

Friday afternoon, I headed to work to begin preparations for the Princess sleepover. It was our first ever, all girls night. N,E and S, came to help cut up bread, apples, angel food cake and set up other items for the fondue pot and chocolate fountain. I set up the tables, got the party favors ready (complete with candy necklaces and bracelets....princess style, princess rubber duckies, and frog prince pop ups).

We played a game where you had a string of beads, and couldn't say certain words: Princess, prince, chocolate, tiara, crown, wand, and....one other word...can't remember. If you said one of the words someone could steal your beads. I ALMOST won this one until i said "Princess"......the winner? She got a special crown and she could "order" anyone to do what she 'commanded." The problem? B won and she was too scared to tell anyone to do anything cause she didn't want to be mean. LOL She did however ask if I would sing "It's raining men".....hahahahah

After the party....I came home and felt useless the rest of the day. We went to Charlotte with the MIL and FIL, for dim sum and to shop at the Asian stores. I got some boba milk tea. OMG it was so good and reminded me of the fun days in Irvine when I was working as a Youth minister. I used to go out for Biba with the young adult group all the time. I love me some boba. I need to figure out though how they make their biba pearls so sweet tasting. Mine don't taste like that.

After we dropped off the IL's, we went to look at computers at Sam's. Marisa got 4 cute outfits. Then it was off to Circut City...no luck. Looks like MAYBE Black Friday we'll get one. Who knows.

I went to bed at 8pm. I had a headache, I was TRED...useless. Slept a good 8 straight hours, fed the baby and slept 2 more hours. Good solid sleep.

Today? A little clothes shopping before Youth Mass.

Whats new with me?

i;m learning how to sew? Ok, ok I've been taking beginning sewing classes since June 16th and have completed 3 pairs of baby legs for Marisa(1 pair of pink and purple striped ones, one pair of Duke, and one pair of Carolina Panthers.) I'm HOPING someone out there (hint hint) will track down a pair of adult size USC Trojan Knee high socks so I can make her some of those.

I completed a dress for Marisa as well. With Mickey Mouse on it. Surprise surprise. I've also done: a blanket for a friends baby boy, PJ bottoms for my niece(and I have a couple more pairs on "order" from the other nieces), and I've also made a hooded towel for Marisa.

It doesn't sound like much, but let me tell you cutting a pattern takes me FOREVER!!!!!! So the dress and PJ's took some time,. I have 1, maybe 2 more classes left and I am sad to see it end. I plan on getting together with some friends to sew twice a month, and I've bought some holiday patterns to sew as well.

I absolutely love sewing. It's so fun to create new things and see people enjoy them. Uncle Chicken will smile because the hooded towel has pink camoflauge ribbon on it (I can see him rolling his eyes now).

I realy wish I had done this when i was younger. I would have loved creating things for the older nieces and nephews who are now too old to think anything Auntie Katie makes is "cool". Who knows, maybe the boys will like new boxers. hahahahahahahahahahahah

My next attempt at somethign cute will be a rag bag. I think all the nieces might get one of these. It's a purse made outof a rag quilt. GO ME!!!!!

What it looks like

Forgiveness. A while back I asked my friend Andrew to post on what forgiveness means. I was in a rather pitiful, place in my life. While things seemed well, with a new baby on the way, a husband who loves me so very much, a job that brings me constant joy. Yet amidst all the joy, was an underlying sorrow.

You see, friends who called themselves friends, turned unexpectedly, out of a bunch of "I don't know what to say" and "I hope we can reconcile"...with no clear idea of how that should take place other than WE (Derek and I) needed to be sorry.

Those of you who read this blog know what that was like. Some of you read it with tunnel vision, some of you came here daily to see if I was talking about you and some of you read, and still say that YOU, YOURSELVES did nothing wrong.

I rejoice in those who stood by me and helped me to see my wrong doing as just that...wrong, all the while wishing the other parties would do the same. People I trusted, cared about, welcomed into my life, shared some of my deepest thoughts with, invited to our wedding, spent HOURS upon HOURS talking to, and even eventually meeting face to face. With one swift email sent in September, those same people became strangers to me. Oh they still said they cared and prayed for me....but you cannot deny that friendships changed on September 3, 2007. And not for the better.

I spent months and months going from not caring to being angry to not caring, to being angry. It started to become tiresome. Was I wrong? yes, was I wronged? That is STILL up for debate and you know what I've come to realize? It's all over control of a website...A WEBSITE!!!!

I've struggled far too long with this. I've said I would let it go and obviously I haven't or I would not be writing this blog entry now would I? But alas...with revelation comes clarity and i realize....no matter how many times I apologize, say I was wrong, say my husband was wrong...it's just never good enough. I'm supposed to pretend nothing happened and "build a relationship from there"

Excuse me?

About a month and a half or so ago I was blogging about how could I ask my youth to forgive, if I was still struggling with it myself? Little did I know that would answer itself in the form of a message on facebook from my ex husband.

Pick your jaw off the floor, you read it right....my ex husband.

Many of you know he and I were married for a short time, and divorced before I was 30. We had some mutual friends and so there was always that strange connection. But honestly he and I were best friends long before we were bf/gf, long before we were engaged and long before we were husband and wife. It was oneof those friendships that probably should not have been taken to the next level but was. I have no regrets about that either,. it is in the development and failure of the relationship on that level, that I learned so much about myself, about what it means to forgive.

His grandmother is sick and upon hearing the news I informed Derek I would be contacting him. That began a string of emails filled with "I am so sorry" "I hurt you" "I was responsible for___" and so much more. 8 years in the "making" this once broken relationship had begun to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's called forgiveness, and healing.

While we will never ever be the friends we once were, we can rejoice in what we learned as a result of our actions, and acknowledge what we BOTH DID WRONG in the failure and demise of our relationship. I have to say, he is hell bent on taking all the responsibility, but I will not allow him to. He can only take part of it. I too, wronged him as he wronged me. To me...that is what forgiveness looks like. We are taking the necessary steps to forgiving one another, and restoring the friendship that once was.

Of course, there will not be trips in the Alpha to Taco Bell, but there will be times of reminiscing (Carolyn cake, potlucks) and times of rejoicing in what is now unfolding. We won't be best buddies, and we won't call each other on the phone and talk for hours, but we will supoport one another when that support is needed....but on a different level than before.

"I forgive you" is one step...."I was wrong too" is the other. Talking it out and acknowledging the opain and hurt suffered, seeking forgiveness, and then healing together.

That, to me, is what forgiveness looks like.

I pray that each of you seek out those you have hurt, and who have hurt you, and restore what once was. If you are waiting for the other person to take full responsibility, then you need to look at the big picture. It's not about YOU.

A priest once said "In the end it's all about relationships." Honestly? I've done what I could with some.....I wish they could say the same. Only time will tell. I just hope it doesn't take 8 years.

BTW, to my pastor friend...THANK YOU for always listening to me when I needed to vent and cry. Once again, you have saved the day for Derek and I.

A Letter to the Red Sox

Dear Boston Red Sox,

Thank you for visiting the great state of California. We hope you enjoyed the sunshine, the beaches, and In N Out Burger.

We wanted to give you this gift as a reminder of your stay here this past weekend:








































































With Love,
The Anaheim Angels

Rafting

Took my kids rafting on Thursday. It was FUN. I was the only one who fell out of the boat and the girls (all 5 of them) got a kick out if it. One girl suggested that i was fat (hence why she felt the boat get lighter). Gee thanks.

We've decided we want to go night rafting next time around.

Good times with my girls...good times

Done trying

I don't know how to fix a couple of broken friendships. I can't ignore an elephant in the room, I don't know what to do. So for whatever reason, I guess we'll never know why we could not work through this all.

and it hurts


bad


I shared alot with you all, and now it's over. My heart hurts for my husband more than for myself. I see the pain in his eyes. Eyes that held great hope and joy in the friendships he had.

i'm sure forgiveness will come, just not as easily as it did for you.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.......sad really...

Pray......

Please pray for:

Robert's grandma. She's going to have chemotherapy

C's SIL. She just found out she has cancer. She's 29 :(

the 12 (maybe 14) youth going on AE in 2 weeks

The 30+ going on AE in Walnut at SLR next week.

The retreat teams in CA and NC who are preparing for AE

Me...tomorrow's lock in will probably kick my butt.

My Child

She's amazing, She's been perfect on this trip. I can't say I blame her for not wanting to be in her car seat for the umpteeth time in one day, but she's just been such a trooper this weekend, which I can only hope means good things for her traveling future!!!!!

She loves the beach, the sand in her feet, and she loves being with her mommy and daddy. Derek is such an amazing and interactive father. He attends to her every need, holding her at restaurants so I can eat, playing with her, showing her new things, and just being an all around awesome dad.

Over and over again we've looked at one another and just been so amazed by life. By the pure wonder of how we lived before she came into our lives. How we couldn't imagine life any other way.....she's truly changed us and made us better people. This is not to say we are perfect, no that we know we are not. But she's made us see life in a whole new way. She makes us laugh, and smile, and just enjoy one another and life in a whole new way.

With one "cheeky" smile in the morning, all the frustrations of the day before, melt away into a sea of nothingness, and I know that my day will be so much better knowing that I have her to love and care for.

I'm not naive enough to think that it will alwys be sunshine and roses with her. the teen years will be trying, and we'll hit some bumps in the road no doubt, but being her mom is the most rewarding experience of my life.

She's simply amazing.

The Beach

It's my love, my friend, my happiness. Can't wait to see it.

Of course check back in a few days and see if I sill feel the same way. Though I think using the baby's sunscreen may help with that too. SPF 50 baby!!!! LOL

Can't wait

to smell the salty air

Get mad because said hair has made my hair icky and ugly

feel the sand in my toes

watch the baby react to the water

hear the waves crash

Ahhhhh, life is good

They're back....stronger than ever

Derek is so sick of hearing about NKOTB, but they are back. Reunited after 14 yrs.

I. Am. SO. EXCITED!!!!!

I think i was the only HS student at Corona High School who loved them. I was completely in love with their music, completely in love with jon, and I had a few friends to share the love with. I went to their concert at Dodger Stadium on Sept 14, 1990, and my walls were plastered with their pictures.

When I was 9 it was Duran Duran....7 yrs later it was New Kids on The block.

They are touring this fall, and my co-worker N, friend C and I are contemplating whether to travel to DC or NYC to see them. Should I wait to see if they come to Charlotte, Raleigh or Greensboro> Sure I should. Do I want to wait. HELL NO!!!!!

They were on the Today show this morning and I did not go into work until the show was over. I felt like a teenager again as I listened to the old songs that used to find me singing at the top of my lungs and dancing around my room. My dad was such a good sport about my love for them, letting my friend J stay the entire weekend while we geeked out on New Kids, watching the cartoon, making "interviews", writing fan fiction, and fantasizing about meeting them, hanging out with them, etc. My brother, totally different story. he hated Duran Duran, he HATED New kids.

I should call him and share my excitement about their reunion. ha ha.

While Derek doesn't get my boy band love, he's supportive of my desire to go see them in concert. Gotta love my husband for that.

i may never meet NKOTB (not as lucky as C is I guess) but they will forever be the ones who defines my HS years and helped me through difficult times and introduced me to my friend J. I love her. it's through their reunion that I made the effort to locate and find her, and through the reunion that I also have grown closer to N and C.

Thanks guys!!!!!!

Who would have EVER suspected this from a white girl?

Derek has introduced me to the wonders of authentic Chinese food. i have to say, I've tried almost everything that has passed by me at the dinner table, including curry (still, it's too spicy for me). The one exception really being, Chicken feet. I can't bring myself to try those.

In the time since meeting, being engaged to and marrying Derek, my palette has been entertained by congee, Stir fry, various varieties of dim sum, clay pot noodles, satay, and my favorite Teh Tarik.

Not only is Teh tarik sweet, it's also made in THE most interesting way. The tea is poured from cup to cup in long pours. It;s almost like magic. It's made with sweetened, condensed milk. Really, nothing can compare to the flavor of this tea. I was first introduced to the tea at Penang in Chapel Hill and have been in love ever since. It got to the point where I would crave it. Unfortunately trips to Chapel hill were few and far between. One day, Derek said "Ask my sister how to make it." So i did and found it is quite easy to make. So....being adventurous. I tried it. First try, was good, but not quite what I was used to. After 2-3 more tries I had perfected the taste without the magical pouring.

One evening Derek tried my creation and was impressed. Since then, I've had a request for Teh Tarik each night before I head to bed. Only I put it on ice for my love. Not only is he impressed, my mother in law was quite impressed when she was here a couple weeks ago.

Other than Teh Tarik, I've perfected (to my liking) Congee (Chinese Porridge) minus the century egg . (not because I don't like it...quite the opposite, but because I have not learned how to make it).

Even Derek, who strongly dislikes Congee due to having to eat nothing BUT porridge for two week when he had chicken pox, has commented that I make it "just like mom."

So, who would have thought that a white girl could make Authentic Malaysian/ Chinese dishes...hmmm??? Not me, but I am happy that it makes my husband (for the tea) and me (for the tea and congee) happy :)

Today I........

...Voted for the first time in 3 or 4 years. Voting is such a privilege and one that should not be taken for granted. I was so proud as I walked into the school today to cast my vote for the NC primaries. being that I am not a registered Democrat, I did not have to decide between Obama and the "mother hen" Clinton. I didn't have to choose between Obama and the woman who wants to put band-aids on everything and then pass the buck to the next president so the Dems will have someone else to place the blame on.

I voted!!!!!!

.. had a fantastic lunch. This week is Teacher Appreciation Week at the school, so the church staff was invited to lunch. Great Italian food, and the BEST.CAKE.EVER.

.... heard about my friend Cara meeting the members of NKOTB. *sigh* Lucky

....found a friend from high school who used to share a love for NKOTB with me. I miss her

.... worked on the AE retreat. I still have alot to do though.

....walked into my house and saw booth my husband and daughter smiling at me.

I am blessed

Not sure how to put this out there

But since it's my blog, I'm going to do it because quite frankly I am tired.

I'm getting ready to do a retreat for my high schoolers next month. During our Saturday prayer service we do a meditation about forgiving those who have hurt you and forgiving those you have hurt. I think we know who this involves in my life, correct?

I guess it's been heavy on my mind because of all the crap we went through in the last yr, the YMX debacle was the worst on me spiritually, emotionally and eh, kinda physically I suppose. I want nothing more than to let it all go. They preached about reconciliation and restoration and I would think they would be so kind as to extend some sort of peace offering. But alas, it seems we have to do all the work. Even if we did, I fear the ever growing laundry list would be brought up YET again and thrown in our faces, which leads me to wonder if that is their vision or definition of such reconciliation and restoration.

Still, I can't shake the fact that if I am going to ask my kids to do this, I too, need to do the same. Part of me wants to write all of them Adam, Patti, Ruth, Angie and Todd an email detailing how I was wrong and have been wronged. Derek says it's not worth it. I say they (and we) need to practice what we preach. I'm tired of knowing they all read my blog and feeling like I can't be me and share what I am thinking, feeling, etc. Because all it will do is give them fuel for their fire, even more to add to the list if we were to comply to their "demands" of groveling and apologizing.

Heck, I don't want to be a part of YMX anymore. Everyone there that claimed to "love and care" for us so much certainly showed their true colors in September. At least one person had the guts to admit they acted like an ass. And I did the same. We both came to the conclusion that the circumstances caused our friendship to suffer. Isn't that what forgiveness is???

The only thing I want...is to get this off my chest, out there in the open, and be able to close this chapter in my life. The thing is....no one will respond. Which is what keeps me from doing this in the first place, but I fear all this pent up frustration is slowly eating away at me and making me bitter which I do not want.



Anyway...just a stream of thoughts going on right now. Derek says it's a waste of time, I know others close to me will too. Maybe numerous people telling me the same will get my head out of my butt and make me realize that I have to forgive them on my heart and move on.

Contemplation

I have alot on my mind. ALOT. It's just a matter of sorting it all out and picking out what is most important to blog about. The Pope? Amazing Encounter Retreat? So much more. Don't know where to start, but I'll start somewhere. I promise. i think i have Shay-syndrome. Lots on my mind but just nothing comes to mind when I look at the blank canvas.

Lame person awards

Because I have received very little sleep the last 2 nights, this will be a 2 part post. I'll start it now and finish it later.

The following people have received the Lame person award from me:

Matt Leinart: for partying it up and being a terrible role model and father. (more on that later- I wonder if he is taking Tom Brady's NFL fatherhood courses.)

Hillary Clinton: What the HELL kind of April fool's Joke was that?

Barak Obama: Don't bowl...ever. 37? Surely there was another sport you could have played that would not have given comedians something to make fun of you for??? Maybe Karaoke even?

Jarrod Weaver: Don't scream the word, F**k when you know the TV cameras are going to focus in on you during a game. Particularly during a bad play. I mean really. Little kids watch baseball games. Kids who want to be like you don't need to learn that word and don't need to know that you said it. You have a glove, put it over your mouth and say it...if you must.

Washington National fans (and anyone else who was there for the game): I don;t give a rats booty WHO the president is. I don;t care if you hate him. Don't boo him. Classless. I don't like Clinton, but I would never boo him.

Do unto others people.....have we forgotten that? (yeah I know, and I fully expect someone to trash me and call me lame. Why not, I've been called ugly on my husbands blog)


You know what to do, the comment box is open.

Dear UCLA

I know that you and I have been at odds since 1985. But seeing as how USC is out of the NCAA Tournament (and we all now how much I follow SC basketball right? ha ha)....do me one thing;

If and when you make it to any protion of this Tournament and meet UNC (aka Carolina Tarheels)...BEAT THE TAR OUT OF THEM!!!!!


To Carolina,

It's considered a bit arrogant in my book to be at a very comfortable spot in a game with a HUGE lead, knowing full well that you are going to win, to continue to shoot 3's and run up the score. You knew you were going to win. Play dumb. Or are you just trying to run it up so you can run your mouths and say "Well look what we did? Look what Duke did." I bet that's it. Over compensate much???

Please spare us UCLA....oh wait, even if you do beat Carolina, they'll find SOME WAY to make excuses rather than own up to the fact that a better team beat them. But beat them anyway. Please?

I did ALOT today...HOly CR*P

This morning after Marisa woke up, had her breakfast, was dressed, had a "fwesh cween diaper", and I had my shower and was dressed, we ventured over to Wal-Mart and went shopping. I picked up stuff for dinner for Derek and myself and for my friend A, from my mom's club who just had a baby on Monday. I also picked up a few things for the treats I wanted to make for our vet. Oh and I got some ham steaks for Sunday.

Marisa had fallen asleep while shopping and so when we got home she was ready to eat. After that I got our dinner thrown into the crock pot and Derek came home and I started making an apple pie...HOME MADE mind you, for A and her hubby. Chopped up some veggies and made meatballs for their dinner.

We ate and I put together the spaghetti and meatball stoup, and breadsticks, grabbed the pie and off we went to deliver the food. (I got to hold her sweet baby girl briefly too....YAY)

Then we went to a Holy Thurs (Maundy Thurs) service at Derek's church, got Ice cream, cane home, got the girl to bed and I started making 2 different homemade muffins. Chocolate cheesecake and Cinnamon Apple cider streusel.

The muffins are going to the vet's office since they took such great care of Latte last month. It's the least we can do.

I feel like Paula Deen today. YAY ME.

Oh and my house smells AMAZING

Change, Change, Change

No, I am not talking about the kind in yor pocket, or the stuff you find in the couch cushions. I'm talking abotu the change we keep hearing about in the world of politics and even change that occurs in our churches.

Change happens. There's no way around it. Some people like change and adapt very well to it. I like to think I am that kind of person, but in some instances I am like those who HATE change. I guess it's my own fault really, I just get comfortable with how things are and fall into the "This is how we've always done it" routine.

Would I like to see change in this world? Absolutely, but with that comes the clean up process. In all honesty, I don't believe this world...this country will be canged by one single candidate. So all of you Obama and Clinton supporters who have this vision of the US being changed within 4 years need to get your head out of the clouds. It simply is not going to happen. It will take years. Now, I know you will all laugh and say "Well it didn't take Bush long to screw things up." But let's be honest here. All that is wrong with the world didn't happen in 4 short years. Presidents and leaders before Bush also helped make things as bad as they are today.

Not acknowledging responsibility for actions of political leaders of the past is a step in the wrong direction for this country. No one is perfect and I think it is safe to say that many of our leaders have screwed up. The problem from my standpoint? Supporters who want so badly to be RIGHT about how their candidate is going to change things, that they will excuse, deny or even dismiss the wrong doings of 1. Their own political party 2. Their so called "Golden Child".

This happens in ministry as well. In fact It happens all the time, and I too have been blinded by the Truth. Don't believe me? Then I will happily share my examples with you.

Example #1: The Perfect Youth Minister-Or so we thought.
In my 11 years of volunteer ministry I had 2 Youth Ministers that I volunteered for. For any of you that have spen t any extended time in Youth Ministry, you know how rare this is. My first 9 years in ministry were under the leadership of my own Youth Minister. She's the reason I am in Ministry, and was an exceptional leader. Yes, she was stuck in the "this is how we always have done it" mindset, but was always open to change. However, at the ripe age of 55, she felt called to retire and pass the torch.

Her torch was passed to a vetran youth Minister who, on paper, and yes in person was the best possible person for the job. He was exceptiobnal in getting youth to come to Yotuh Group, he drove home the message of the Gospel, he introduced the most Amazing retreat I have ever been on...however. What kind of leader, brings forth change but is not reliable? There were times where we would be depending on this person to be at an event...THE YOUTH MINISTER OF THE CHURCH...and we never knew if he was going to show up. Sometimes we'd be left hanging on retreat, or even on Confirmation Day. We were told that the Pastoral Administrator approved one thing, only to find out we'd been lied to. Being lied to was a common occurance with this leader. Someone we were supposed to trust. I understand delegating responsibility to your leaders, but when we needed this person, he wasn't there.

I found myself becoming angry as the years went by. Angry that when I needed to deal with issues going on, I was feeling blown off. I also began to feel used. I was only good for providing one thing: An outlet for this person to use my talents, which left him time to goof off and not do his job.

His changes were good, but the execution and leadership he brought forth were HORRIBLE. It has taken almost 3 years to get the program back on track and into a good working routine.

Example #2: The new pastor
At one of my ministry jobs, our pastor had become burnt out. Well, you try leading a flock of over 2000 families single handedly and tell me how enthusiastic you are after 4 years. I digress. So in walks the new guy one day. He came to meet with us all. I was looking forward to meeting him. Word on the street was that he was very supportive of the youth, which was something I was very happy to hear.

When he arrived officially as the pastor he began to make so many changes, and brought on so many people to help, that the entire church and different ministries began to look messy. No I am not talking about thekind of Messy that Yac speaks of. I mean a literal shambles. He questioned the leadership of every ministry and wanted to replace them with "his people". Meaning he wanted to bring people from his former church and employ them in our places. He wanted more change than our church could handle. Again, change is good, but not when you are hurting and using people. He hired someone to run the entire formation aspect of the church, only to fire her a year later because he got what he wanted from her (a decent foundation for Religious Education) and then dropped her on her butt.

What kind of leadership is that?

I am happy to report, that although the church has gone through alot of drastic, unnecessary changes, somewhere out of the ashes, the Youth Ministry program has risen, and thrived. I can only say that it is because of the Youth/young adult leaders who were there before I got there and the ones added during my 2 yrs as YM, that this has been possible. I am so proud of them....yet so disappointed in the adult leadership currently in place.

Change. It's good, but please, please don't be decieved. Look at the big picture. Sometimes the best leadership can be hurtful, deceptive, and manipulative. I am sure Bush-haters around the world will attest to that. So will the Nixon Haters, Reagan haters, etc etc. Well, let's not forget the Clinton Haters...we have our own issues with him too.

Look at the leaders of every aspect of your life and ask yourself if their change they promise really is for the better of the people. Will their change bring good or bad to the world around you. If you can answer "Yes, yes they can." I'd like to meet them and shake their hand(direct me to their blog, website etc too while you're at it). The world needs more people like them.

A year ago today

Derek and I embarked on a new journey.......



I don't know what we did before this day. i mean, I KNOW what we did, but compared to now, with all the new discoveries and things to bring smiles to our faces. I can't imagine life without her. She's my morning sunshine, and I love watching her sleep, hearing her "voice her opinion", seeing her look at the world with amazement. I love seeing her interact with her daddy.


i just love HER...I love being her mommy. I thank God for the gift of motherhood each and everyday. I thank God for giving us this gift, I thank my husband for being the daddy he is. The most important man in her life.

A year ago today, our world changed forever...for the better.

Things I like to do for my husband

I like to cook for him. I'm not a bad cook, so no one should find that funny. I'm also not the greatest cook. I mean, you won't see Emeril Lagasse knocking on my door begging for recipes for his show. My husband, however seems pleased with what i bring to the table.

This week though has not been very opportune for doing as such. Work was crazy and demanding. I worked Mon-Weds "late" each night. not getting home until 8-ish or so. Granted, Tuesday i didn't go IN until 5:00, so it's not like I was working 12 hours straight.

I just miss cooking. It makes me so happy to see a smile on his face or hear "Mmmm this is good honey". It's one of the many ways I know he loves me. When he appreciates a new recipe or an old stand-by.

hey he's even said something I burnt was good. Let's be honest. It tasted like crap. He still ate it though (shudder)

Today....

...All you can eat pizza, only I left the table to chat, so they took my cup away. You can't eat pizza without a drink.

...a clean sink. It's the little things that make me happy

...meeting mom's in the area.YAY

...being caught up on laundry. The folding will now begin

...baby shots, not fun, necessary, heartbreaking

...12lbs 5oz and 23 inches of love. Bliss

...singing "In My Life" and being smiled at. The kind of smile that let's you know, someone loves you unconditionally.

..."meow, meow, mmmeeeeoooowwww" Pele, you are so cute. You are a good surrogate mommy (she walks with the baby and I when we walk around the kitchen/dning room/living room.

...ramen noodles with chicken, veggies, garlic cooked to perfection and soy sauce. Mmmm, thank you honey.

.....bed...it's calling, I need to answer (why not, baby went to sleep on her own tonight...YAY BABY, I deserve a few good long hours of sleep don't I?)

Some people

Come into our lives and quickly go, other stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never again the same.

I loving memory of

Deacon Gaston and Vickie Diem.

May God bless you always as you journey towards heaven. You will be missed.

"I am the resurrection and the life, he who believes in me, though he were dead, shall live. And whoever lives and believes in me, will never die."

Happy Birthday to me........

I want to thank you all for your well wishes on my birthday today. They did not go unnoticed and are greatly appreciated.

how dod My day go you ask? It started with Derek waking me up at midnight to wish me a happy birthday. That was sweet. Well wait. I was awake with Marisa tryin to get her back to sleep (her stuffy nose woke her up).

Marisa's gift to me was sleeping until 7am. BLISS!!!!! Though I did wake up at 6;30am and went to her room to make sure she was still breathing. LOL Then after she ate, i got ready (got her dressed, fixed my hair, brushed my teeth, etc), and off we went to my work. The girls loved on her, the kids all wanted to hold her (she cried), and I got a bit of work done.

We left work in the early afternoon, and came home. Derek took us to Red Robin for my bday...YUMMMMMMMMMM, and then to Wal-Mart to get my cricut. I got the personal one, not the big old expressions one.

Then we came home, I fed the baby, and was off to my mom's night in. For those of you who do not know I joined a mom's club and I'm loving it. One of the mom's volunteered to open her home and teach us the tricks of her trade....cake decorating. She taught us some basic stuff on icing a cake, and taught us some easy borders and how to do roses, etc. Her cakes are sooooooo good. She makes them all from scratch. No boxed stuff for her and let me tell you....her cakes ROCK. So we learned how to frost the cake, and what not and here are the results:

My cake:


All the cakes (there were 9 of us total at her house)



To satisfy your curiosity, and for me to give credit to one of my fellow mommies, here is her website (she does a millennium falcon cake, but the pic of it is not on the website).

It was a good day.

34

Leave a comment and tell me what is significant about the number 34......

man, If I would have known

If I would have known that posting something angry would have brought back my stalker from Walnut Creek, CA (The San Jose stalker has ALWAYS been around despite the fact that he/she is a tattle tale and can't be trusted).....

Maybe I would not have made those posts a few days ago (see below).

Then again, I don't take kindly to Walnut Creeks myspace threats he/she made to me about how "until he/she KNEW for sure that I was no longer talking about him/her, then he/she would continue to read my blog until I either deleted it or made it private"......

Well, that isn't happening and I'm still blogging, but it isn't about you (save for this post) Is it?

In other news......remind me to tell you how crazy Pele is. I love that cat so stinking much. She's so smart.

Plans are in the works for some awesome trips this year and...Tomorrow is my birthday and suddenly I'm feeling kind of old. I don't knwo why. 34 is young, but I just felt not so young today.

I'm sure I will cure it during my cake decorating class tomorrow. I'll try to post pictures of my "masterpiece" after tomorrow. Mmmmmmmmm cake.

Just think about it

The more you are willing to accept responsibility for your actions, the more credibility you will have. ~Brian Koslow~

Thank you to my friend T for this pearl of wisdom!!!!! It's very true and I know I will be the first to take responsibility once I see my wrong doing in any given situation. I just wish others would live by this rule.

Others? Like who? My youth, my brother, my sister, my mom, my conscience, etc.

I am not perfect, nor do I ever say that my ways are all right and never wrong. If you know me you know I am happy to accept responsibility for things. It just grosses me out that society teaches us to blame everyone but ourselves.

i bet we are disappointing the person who invented mirrors, because we can't look at ourselves and see who we have become when we lose sight of the big picture.

In the words of Alanis Morisett

I see right through you
I know right through you
I feel right through you
I walk right through you

I may look, act and talk stupid, but I am not. It doesn't take a genius to figure you out and you most certainly are transparent. It won't take long for people to realize how insecure, insensitive and fake you are. i feel sorry for them too. I don't however, feel sorry for you. You continue to dig your own hole and it's getting deeper by the minute.

I wonder how you sleep at night? Do you sleep with both faces on or is one removable? I wonder how it is you can blame others yet not have the brains in your head to see that you yourself need to take responsibility for your own actions. But you never will, will you? Nope because in your eyes you are not wrong. You are the victim in all of this aren't you?

One day you are going to wake up and realize that your numbers mean nothing, because you didn't take the time to truly care. Because if you did, then you would have to work THAT much harder wouldn't you? You would have to care and really spend time with people and that just isn't your thing. Nope, just leave that to other people. Use them until you have no more use for them and treat them like dirt once you are done with them. Talk trash to them behind their backs and act as if they are your best buddies to their faces.

I see RIGHT through you. and what I see is pretty ugly.

hahahahahahahahaha

All i can say is:

You're a piece of work aren't you?

Being two faced isn't very becoming

"Shame on you, Barack Obama," she said. "Enough with the speeches and the big rallies and then using tactics right out of Karl Rove's playbook. This is wrong, and every Democrat should be outraged."

So much for being "honored" huh Hilary? I guess I should really look at the big picture, but you know what? Over the last week she's made comments like this and the whole "Change you can Xerox" comment and we're supposed to believe she "honored" to be in the race with him. Ok yeah sure.

If there is one thing I despise most in this world is people who will tell you one thing to your face and then go and do the opposite, or talk crap about others behind their backs. IMO...and remember this is my blog, those people live in fear of others being better than them. They are so consumed with trying to be the best that when someone shows up who is competition, they freak out and have to belittle others to compensate for their shortcomings.

people seriously need to grow up. Hillary and other people who have pissed me off lately. you all need to just get over yourselves. It's getting old.

So, how much longer before we see Senator Clinton in tears for being misunderstood in Ohio?

Give me a BREAK lady, would you?

Last night during the Democratic debate Senator Hillary Clinton turned to barak Obama and said the following:

""You know, no matter what happens in this contest, I am honored. I am honored to be here with Barack Obama," Clinton said. "I am absolutely honored."

Can someone tell me how one person can be so two faced like this...could be taken seriously? She sits there and jabs Obama (and I know he did the same thing) and then turns around and says this? I would have laughed in her face if I were Obama personally. I mean, I find that whole comment rather insulting. She is trying to save face, maybe see if she can convince Obama to ask her to be his running mate maybe?

She won't win and she has no business being President of the US. I'm not saying I back Obama. My loyalties lie with Huckabee. However, Clinton as President is a sickening thought.

I am sure SURE, that some more tears will be shed over the next few days and weeks by her. People will see right through her two faced comments.

Didn't we all learn that being two faced only hurts you as well as those whom you bad mouth? I know I have learned this lesson and strive not to be this way towards people I know, but Hilary is just ridiculous. AND we all know she said it just so people will vote for her. Such a coniving....well, you know.

GO AWAY HILARY!!!!

In a weird place

Things are great with Derek and I so please do not think any of this has to do with him.

I'm in a weird place right now. Relationships that were strong are crumbled. Some relationships are not as strong as they were now that i have moved and some are all together gone (over somthing very mundane and really I wonder if it was worth ending friendships over? Certainly I tried to make an effort but I was pushed away very quickly. SO be it)

I am making new friends via my moms club but it makes you think about the "long" lost friendships over stupid things. In Jr high I ended a very long friendship with a girl I grew up with. I don't even remember why we stopped being friends. I think it was over something stupid like a boy or something. Looking back it wasn't the healthiest of friendships, but after all this girl WAS my best friend.

4 yrs ago I ended all friendships with anyone remotely connected with my ex.....long story short, i am glad some of these friends welcomed me back into their lives after what I said to them to end said friendship.

A few months ago a community I thought cared about us let us go, and the people I thought would be life long friends went silent. Those are the ones I struggle with the most. All of this over a mistake on my part and the fact that my husband comes across as an opinionated person who wants things his way, yet when you get to know him (as some have taken the time to do) you see he's nothing like he comes across online (I recall someone commenting on that very same thing...make that 2 people who said that). Yet one swift move and EVERYONE turned their backs on us. What I thought was community was only a fascade. If we can't offer them anything, we are of no use to them at all. That's simply how it felt. Not sure that was how it was inteneded,.

I've watched a great relationship crumble(you know which one I am talking about) and it hurts me so bad. It hurts to see my husband hurt. He will never admit it, but I know him. I know he feels betrayed and I know deep down, he hurts.

A yr ago I left CA and I still talk on a regular basis to many of my friends that I hung with out there. I've been homesick the last few days (as I am beginning to devlop friendships out here). I feel as though with these new friends, the oldies will feel I am forgetting them. How could I? So many of them love me and accept me for who I am. Long distance friendships are tough, and I want to keep these friendships going. I just feel like I'm in a weird place right now. I Pray that with these new friendships, the old ones will not turn their backs on me as so many did recently. That is a hurt I never want to feel again. I never want to not be able to share good news with them, or hear of their good news.

I don't know where I am going with this. I only know that I just feel like I'm in an tterribly weird place with friendships and I want it to go away. Maybe it's the full moon. That always messes with my head.

Fluffy, white and pretty

It's been snowing for the last 2 hours. We've gotten about 2 inches. It's sooooo pretty (shut up Todd, I DON'T want to hear it.)

Some people

...Like to have their ego's stroked way too much. Then they turn around and bite the hand that feeds them. Why?

...some like to start big things and talk behind the backs of their volunteers. They put on a fascade and make these people feel so important. Makes me wonder how those people can look at themselves in the morning

...some people like to put themselves down to garner attention from others. Instead of fixing what is wrong with their self esteem or lack there of, they wallow in it and hope others will feel sorry for them. I know...I used to be one of those. Your life will suck until you pick up the peieces and do something abotu it. Why don't they?

...some people never see the way others treat them like crap. They'd rather take it. This has been happening alot lately and I hate that it's happening to people I care about.

...some people will jusdge you based on 1-2 mistakes and hold it over your head FOREVER. As if it is forever there and unforgiveable. This happened to me on more than one occasion this past yr. It sucks. I'm not perfect.


...some people forget who you are even after they have spent a good amount of time with you. It's like you just vanished. I'm not invisible...I promise. What happened?

...some people will take sides....I guess it's life huh? I hope the other person appreciates your friendship the way I would have.

...some people love you no matter how many times you screw up. I appreciate you. You know who you are.

...some people are wonderful....like my husband. Everyone should have him in their life. Even if he is opinionated and strong willed. He's amazing and would do anything for his friends. I hope my daughter grows up to be just like him.

Any complaints about what I posted???? Leave a comment.

If you read this post and think it is about you.....it may or may not be, but please do not email me and accuse me of singling you out. Chances are it's not about you. If it is....and you are offended by what I posted...perhaps it's time we talked????? Derek if you are offended about what I posted.....I **** on your offense....ROFL (love you babe)

The move

Yep we moved, bigger place, less storage. Such is life.

Of all the things for me to get completely unpacked...the kitchen. It's set up all nice and pretty, but poor Derek doesn't know where anything is and our big cutting board is missing. Oh and the muffin tins I could not find when I was making blueberry muffins last night? I found them ....in the bin with the baby bottles. So I asked myself. Why would I put muffin tins in with baby bottles? That was lame. LOL

Derek has worked his butt off getting the place unpacked while I have been tending to the baby. This at times bothers me. Not because I don't think Derek has done a good job. He's done an incredible job, but I would like to be able to help and not feel like a lazy bum. I mean I did the kitchen, I vacuumed the stairs and I'll mop the old place tomorrow, but that pales in comparison to what Derek has accomplished. Not that there is a prize to the one who does the most, I just wanted to help him more.

I do need to sweep the kitchen because the cats for some reason have gotten cat food all over the floor surrounding their bowls. You'd think they were raised in barns or something. Miss manners would be appalled for sure. Ha Ha.

All is well here. Just finishing up stuff before Thursday....no cleaning for 3 days after Chinese New Year!!!!!

Slacker

If you look up the word slacker in the dictionary, in reference to blogging, you will see my face. Yep. I'm good at keeping up Marisa's blog and terrible about keeping up my own.

I promise after the move to be better about this. :)

Dear Mitt

I am here and now officially adding you to the list of Republican candidates I would not vote for. There may be some of my viewers who will automatically think it is because you are Mormon and I am Catholic, but that is not the case. I could care less what religion you are (unless if you came out and blasphemed, etc, totally different story., I digress).

Here is why I will not vote for you:

1. You come across as arrogant and rude. Your persona is one of "I'm the greatest and there is no one who can run the White House like I can." Granted, I've seen this from the others as well. But there is just something about your condescending tone that I don't like. I don't want my candidate of choice to treat everyone like they are stupid. Or better yet to patronize the American people.

2. Every debate I have watched with you in it not only includes the above mentioned attitude, but you CONSTANTLY take digs at the others Candidates. Seriously now, just focus on what YOU plan to do and leave what others have done out of it. Yes there needs to be an evaluation of what other candidates have done, but leave that up to the voters. You're making a fool out of yourself. Answer the questions that are asked without dragging others into it. The fact that Huckabee had to go on and correct what you said was ridiculous last night. Good Lord didn't your mom teach you manners?

3. Attack ads- voters hate them, yet you continue to run them in the states whose primaries are coming up. In fact I am not looking forward to the mud slinging you plan to do out here in NC when our primaries roll around. I think attack ads are disgusting. Talk about YOUR strengths, don't sit here and say things like "Well, Mc Cain did this, Huckabee did that,. Thompson supported....." Blah blah blah

4. YOU ARE NOT PRO LIFE!!! Stop saying that you are. If a candidate claims to be pro-life he darn well better be 100% pro-life. Pro-life is about so much more than abortion. What about Embryonic stem cell research? If one supports that, themn you are not pro-life. Why? Embryonic stem cell research KILLS BABIES!!!!!PERIOD

So there you have it Mitt. One more voter, not on your team. Though I wonder if you will even make it to the NC Primaries. Seems to me your slipping further and further in the polls in many states. I suppose if one has the money to keep going, third or fourth place doesn't seem too bad now does it? Problem is....they only take the candidate who has the most not the 3rd or 4th most votes.

Thank you and good night

Dear Hillary

Crying isn't going to win you the sympathy vote. Today's tearful "passion" plea was downright pathetic.

People wonder why I don't want to see a woman president....I mean what is she going to do? Cry during her State of the Union Speech? Please. Save the tears and grow some balls. You're going to lose NH...get over it.